so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize