Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
