but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
