Screwed.edu
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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