first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm getting married
To pizza
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
