Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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