i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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