I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
