well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The uberlube is also flammable
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
