i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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