the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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