My room smells like vodka and shame
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize