you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
