Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
