i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So vagazzling was a success
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
