All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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