Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize