There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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