All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize