I could make wine with my vomit
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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