I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
