You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
