I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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