I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
