ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
porn star boner night. come get it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize