we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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