tonight lets celebrate not being married
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
