Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Can I color on your dick again?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
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