Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
