hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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