he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
birth control should be required to get into college
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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