I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
