Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
