thus making me awesome and them whores
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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