i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
