lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
