haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
