holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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