It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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