been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
