Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
