I think i peed on brittanys purse
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
