Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
