I want to have your abortion
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
