You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
