Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
