hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
