and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
