There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
