I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
