Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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