i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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