I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
