Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I did not marry a roomba.
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