i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
