I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
