not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
