where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
