wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
