he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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