didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
