I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
