Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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