The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
