Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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