4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
