just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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