Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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