She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
His hands were made for my vagina.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
